PROFITEERING PUPPET

AFGHAN "PREZ" KARZAI: REAL FRIEND OR FOE



















How many goofy hats does $100 billion buy?
when it can't even buy a true friend and ally.



(May 6, Washington, DC) of all the tremendous blunders of the Bush Administration and the dizzying number of crisis’ George W. left on the desk of the new President, one of the most threatening and potentially volatile is the matter of Afghanistan.

President Obama met today with the so called “President “ of Afghanistan, Hamid Karzai and Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari. The three parties emerged from “candid” talks in the White House and did reasonably well to put on good public faces. In reality this tripod of a relationship sits atop two of three very weakened legs.

The historic relationship between Afghanistan and Pakistan has swung between semi-peaceful coexistence to barely concealed hostility. Naturally the United States involvement in Afghanistan as part of the “War on Terror” has strained that relationship in profound ways. Additionally, many of the Taliban and Al Qeuda fighters the United States is battling on Afghan territory have originated from safe havens on Pakistani soil particularly in the mountainous border region between them as well as the broad, rugged Swat Valley.

Each country has taken its turn at laying blame for a host of internal social, political, religious and security problems on the doorstep of the other. In most matters of contention regarding security and honest cooperation with the US, there is more than enough guilt on both their parts to go around.

At the time, as has been the case since October 2001, we have troops engaged in often fierce battle in treacherous terrain in Afghanistan. After the rapid fall of the Taliban in November 2001, the Bush Administration, in all their judgment and wisdom, hand picked Harmid Karzai and installed him as their puppet “President” in troubled Afghanistan.

As a Pashtun from the Southern area of his native country he was immediately distrusted by the majority of tribal leaders as well as the relatively competent Northern Alliance. Before Karzai was installed in his current office in 2002, the CIA had spread over 12 million US dollars in cash among tribal and Northern Alliance commanders. Since Karzai has assumed his bogus office untold billions more American dollars have been handed to him ostensibly as “economic and military aid” and now the US asks, “to what avail?”

Afghanistan is literally, in all measurable ways in worse condition today than it was before our money began to flow. Karzai’s government has never controlled any more of the country other than a small chunk of the capital, Kabul. His entire scope of “power” barely extends within miles of his “Presidential” residence and, if not for US military and private security, he would have been assassinated long ago. But, of course, as our puppet, he was the devil we knew best. Thank you Mr. Bush.

Karzai has amounted to nothing more than a deceitful, devious, greedy, crook in a fez. His token “government” is miserably, blatantly, almost proudly, corrupt and intensely engaged in opium trafficking. According to US military and intelligence sources on the ground, Karzai’s younger brother is the virtual “Opium King” of Afghanistan.

Karzai managed to hold onto his minimal “power” as long as the hands of the inept Bush Administration were able to prop him up, pull his strings and allegedly get his begrudging “cooperation” in return. Now he is just a hostage in his palace, unable and unwilling to venture much beyond the high surrounding walls, the entire scope of his influence, except for photo ops in foreign countries. He comes here dressed like some nomadic refugee in a goofy hat, demands respect and keeps his hand out for ever increasing amounts of US “aid.” His dog and pony show today was his same old routine.

Our Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, reportedly had a “very serious 90 minute visit “ with Karzai before meeting with Obama and Zardari. Zardari is facing enormous security challenges at home, has seen the Taliban capture huge chunks of his country and probably has little sympathy for his neighbor with the fez. This is understandable but unfortunate.

Afghanistan and Pakistan have become inextricably linked since we began military activity in Afghanistan and staging for operations in Pakistan. We have attacked alleged Taliban and Al Qeuda leaders with unarmed aircraft known as drones inside Pakistani territory. While such actions have been deemed militarily necessary by our intelligence agencies, they have strained relations all around.

Karzai faces a “national” election this month and somehow, someway, all of his potential opponents have withdrawn. Did Karzai buy them out, pay them off, or otherwise coerce them?
What has he promised them to keep his token office? These are serious questions that the US should have answered before we invest another human life or dollar in his ungovernable, lawless land.



Links:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/afghanistan/5274869/Afghan-president-Hamid-Karzai-names-ex-warlord-as-running-mate.html

http://www.afghanland.com/history/karzai.html

http://www.voanews.com/english/2009-05-06-voa49.cfm

http://uk.reuters.com/article/gc05/idUKTRE5457W420090506

http://www.amconmag.com/article/2009/may/04/00031/

http://www.thestar.com/News/World/article/630214


Copyright TBC 2009 © All Rights Reserved

SPEAKER PELOSI TO GET FACE TRANSPLANT

HOPES CHANGE OF FACE WILL BRING GREATER RESPECT

















Speaker Pelosi will take the face of Dom DeLuise.

(May 6, Cleveland, OH) Ever since the world was introduced to the first known, successful, American face transplant performed by a stellar team of surgeons here at the Cleveland Clinic, requests for such operations have been pouring in.

One very well guarded secret in Hollywood has been that several recently deceased actors and actresses have had their bodies and faces cryogenically frozen in the hopes that at some point in the future they could be thawed out only to be cured of whatever particular ailment took their lives originally. It has been a desire of the ultra rich and ultra vain to be preserved awaiting cures in a state of suspended animation.

Some of the deceased celebrities have had only their faces frozen and now some of their next of kin and family members want to cash in on their famous relative’s faces. One prominent maxio-facial surgeon has dubbed this the beginning of “The Face Race.” The list of frozen celebrity faces has been maintained under the strictest security for many years with some of the frozen stars identities known only by a handful of wealthy, powerful people.

The first such powerful person to step forward and request a face transplant is the Democratic Representative from California and current Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi. Pelosi, 69, is no stranger to the plastic surgeon’s scalpel having undergone a wide variety of cosmetic and reconstructive procedures over the past decade. According to sources, some of the physicians who have provided Pelosi surgical services in the past have refused to partake in her face transplant. She has decided to have the face of the recently deceased actor and chef, Dom DeLuise, transplanted.

Dr. Harry Nevus who has performed over one dozen face lifts, eye lifts, tummy tucks, Botox injections, ass implants, breast lifts, liposuctions, hair transplants and de-turkey-neckings on Pelosi, told reporters, “Frankly, in good conscience, I couldn’t touch her again. In my best medical opinion every thing that could be done to improve her appearance has been done. Unfortunately a few of her most recent procedures were abject failures. She is currently suing me for malpractice but she doesn’t stand a chance of winning. Actually, I hope her face falls off and her ass collapses.”

Some in the medical community have expressed reservations about having such an intense, highly complex and risky procedure performed for purely cosmetic reasons. Dr. Dan Kepler, a Medical Ethicist at the University of Northern Kentucky commented, “This is an operation indicated for a very select few patients who have sustained severe, disfiguring facial trauma and need the procedure for physiological reasons as well as quality of life issues. This should not be undertaken electively. I am disappointed that the Speaker of the House has decided to have Dom DeLuise’s face transplanted onto hers but, on the other hand, looking at her, I can see why; even though I do not ethically agree.”

One of Pelosi’s spokespersons, Myra Della-Cruz Flanagan, told reporters that, “The Speaker did not make this decision lightly although it may appear to have been hasty. Actually she has wanted a face transplant for many years and now that Dom DeLuise’s face has become available she has request to begin the procedures as soon as possible.”

When questioned why Pelosi chose DeLuise’s face, Flanagan replied, “Nancy and Dom were very friendly for many years. Dom was generous enough to have his face preserved for the Speaker. She thinks assuming Dom’s face will give her a measure of respect and gravitas that has alluded her throughout her political career. Also, once she has her new face, no one can call her witch, bitch or the “C word” without feeling a little odd.”

Since no hospitals or surgeons in the United States would consent to perform the ‘Pelosi to DeLuise’ face transplant, the Speaker will be traveling to Waziristan. The very involved, technical procedure will be conducted by a team of facial, reconstructive and cosmetic surgeons as well as several demolition experts, a stone mason and a hair waxer. Dr. Nimrod Gul, Director of Face, Eye and Mouth Surgery at the Waziristan Polytechnic and Medical Institute will be the Chief surgeon involved. He told reporters “From what I have seen of the patient, we can’t screw up that badly. Anything we do will be big improvement. Even if we are not 100% successful, who’ll notice?”



Copyright TBC 2009 © All Rights Reserved

CABLE’S BIGGEST EGO

IS CROWNED BIGGEST ASSHOLE & EMPTIEST HEAD



















Keith Olbermann (Top) without his studio makeup,
(Bottom) all made up and ready to rant.


(May 4, NYC) Amid the overcrowded landscape of the cable TV “newsertainment” characters, it is difficult to identify the one who personifies the worst of the blowhards that have their own programs. These shows are nothing bu a private platform, a showcase for these idiots to rant, rave, opine, and take endless, unprofessional shots at their equally idiotic rivals.

Each of the rival networks and cheap-shot artists who host them , either subtly or blatantly represent bloviating proponents of one of the two sides of the political divide. There has always been some measure of bias in news reporting. For example, The New York Times has a long reputation for supporting liberal causes, a decidedly Democratic slant. A few of its most contrary counterparts are the Wall Street Journal and The Washington Times. Newspaper editorial boards have always exhibited some modicum of political bias. News magazines have equally done so. What gives these childish rants and opinionated warfare between the two greatest offenders, FOX News and MSNBC, is the amount of tolerance demonstrated by their management; they have supported seemingly with ratings driven glee the nightly swipes, jabs and body punches exchanged between two of the most egregious perpetrators; FOX’s Bill O’ Reilly and Keith Olbermann of MSNBC. These two egotistical buffoons have sunk so low as to have made their nightly broadcasts virtually devoted to incessantly attacking and mocking each other.

The Brooding Cynyx commissioned several studies six months ago in an attempt to empirically determine exactly who is the biggest prick in cable TV newsertainment. We felt obligated to have as much objective and statistic information compiled and minimize having the data protected from corruption, artificial artifacts in the results, and subjective variables. The calculating, analytical and review components of the studies were rigorously conducted under the highest levels of security available.

In addition to those academic studies we also commissioned several polls which were not incorporated in the studies results but were used as baselines and popular opinion to determine the subjective benchmarks and compare them to the objective results.
Complete results of the entire series of studies, methodology and other technical information will be made available to our readers in the near future.

Our results revealed several characters clustered closely near the top of the scale. Sean Hannity, Chris Matthews, Lou Dobbs, Bill O’Reilly, Steve Ducey, Shephard Smith, Joe Scarborough, Jack Cafferty and Glen Beck were all locked in extremely tight races for second and third runner-ups. The one asshole who distinguished himself from this pack of knot-headed, brainless, blabbermouths was, Keith Olbermann, host of the moronic “Countdown” program which airs Monday through Friday at 8 o’clock EST.

Olbermann was so far and away the winner that some of the researchers dubbed him “Assholbermann” after tabulating the results. Phil Griffin, the NBC news executive who runs the day to day operations at MSNBC commented, “We are all pleased that Keith won another award. While his program has helped increase our pathetic ratings, often it is very difficult to work with Keith. He is juvenile, loutish, childish, abusive and perhaps insane. If not for his long term contract I personally would have bounced his ass out of here long ago.”

According to Dr. Ronald Flaubert of the world famous and respect Integrated Analytics Data Center (IADC), the results were significant such that “given statistical margins of error and the number of variables we had to factor in, at the end of the day Mr. Olbermann walked away with first place. As scientists we were startled by just how big an asshole and prick he has proven to be.”

Among some of the most prominent reasons Flaubert cited from the study was the fact that Olbermann is ‘the most self referential of all the loud mouthed hosts. If he makes an appearance on Leno or Letterman, The View or Comedy Central he will devote an extraordinary amount of air time during his program to show clips of his appearances. This indicates a pathological sense of self importance, ego, hubris and narcissism. He is probably in the running for being one of the biggest assholes in the history of TV. That is saying quite a lot.”




TBC would like to express our gratitude and respect for the extremely accurate work they have produced on this difficult project.


Copyright TBC 2009 © All Rights Reserved