“Not sure”, “I’ll check with my staff”, & “Don’t know”:Won’t Cut It, John
(August 23, Stoma, DE) This past week John McCain revealed himself as the out of touch, befuddled, has been, he is. When asked by a reporter, how many homes he owns his reply was “I’m not sure...I don’t know...I’ll have to get my staff back to you on that.” He dose not know how many homes he and his wife own? That does not bode well for a man running for the presidency of the United States during extremely difficult economic times for the vast majority of voters.
The Brooding Cynyx research unit, in partnership with ASSPAC in Moss Point Mississippi, a BGE subsidiary, conducted an extensive investigation as to just how many times the 71 year old senator from Arizona answered a question, “I don’t know”, ‘I’m not sure”, “I’ll have my staff get back to you.” The results were as disturbing to the research team as they may be for you.
QUESTIONS ASKED OF JOHN McCAIN HE ANSWERED “I’m not sure.”
1. How many times have you been married?
2. How many cars have you wrecked in your life?
3. How many hemorrhoid surgeries have you had this century?
4. Is Puerto Rico a State?
5. How much Viagra do you consume a week?
6. Who is the president of Czechoslovakia?
7. Is Osama bin Laden a Shi’ite or a Sunni?
8. Where exactly are the gates of hell?
9. What is five plus eight?
10. How many states are there in the United States?
QUESTIONS ASKED OF JOHN McCAIN HE ANSWERED, “I don’t know.”
1. What is your mother’s maiden name?
2. How old is your wife?
3. Did you adopt a child?
4. What day is it?
5. How is the American economy doing?
6. What did you have for breakfast this morning?
7. When was the last time you had an original thought or idea?
8. What have you done as an Arizona senator for the past 24 years to secure your state’s southern border with Mexico?
9. Why did you destroy your credibility, reputation and soul to side with George W. Bush and his failed policies, particularly his misguided war in Iraq?
10. Do you ever eat squash or yams?
QUESTIONS ASKED OF JOHN McCAIN HE ANSWERED, “I’ll have to check with my staff.”
1. Where was your wife last night?
2. How many fingers do you have?
3. Do you realize just how far out of touch you are with most Americans who are really struggling to pay the bills?
4. How many servants do you employ in all your homes?
5. How many cartons of ‘DePends’ do you go through a week?
6. When was the last time you shaved yourself?
7. Did you ever have an affair with Larry Craig?
8. Who was the last man to have sexual relations with your wife?
9. Why do you feel you should be the next president of the United States?
10. Do you think your experience as a POW will influence your foreign policy if elected president?
Our research uncovered many other dubious answers to straightforward questions McCain has provided over the course of his 27 years in Congress. His is a long paper trail of comments, interviews, op-ed pieces, speeches and other material that, when analyzed over time and put in perspective, reveal a great deal about how McCain’s mind, or what’s left of it, works.
Some of the more illuminative Q&A’s were:
Reporter: “Senator, did you know John Keating was a criminal”
McCain: “ My friend, I do not judge others.”
Reporter: “Senator, did you divorce your first wife because she was horribly disfigured in a motor vehicle accident?”
McCain: “Maybe, my friend.”
Tom Brokaw: “Senator McCain, do you believe in and would you support legislation that would extend health insurance to the unemployed, illegal immigrants suffering from hyper flatulence?”
McCain: “My friend, that is the transcendent mission of this generation.”
Tim Russert: “ Senator, you have had a long career in the Congress, you are basically representative of an inept, do nothing Senate. How can you now campaign as a candidate for change?”
McCain: “ Fuck you , my friend, you fat, Irish drunk.”
Andrea Mitchell: “Senator, you have proposed keeping American troops in Iraq for 100 years if necessary. Why?”
McCain: “That’s for me to know and you to find out, my friend.”
Bob Hope: “Captain McCain, we all admire your strength and courage having been a POW for almost six years. How does it feel to be back on American soil?”
McCain: “I like rice, my friend.”
Jesse Jackson: “Senator, why did you vote against the legislation that made Martin Luther King’s birthday a federal holiday?”
McCain: “ My friend, I was in the Navy. He was a Negro.”
Sean Hannity: “Senator, have you ever had an abortion?”
McCain: “ Yabba dabba doo.”
Mike Wallace: “Senator, what is it like being married to a woman almost 30 years younger than you?”
McCain: “Busy, my friend, very, very busy.”
Chris Matthews: “ Senator, since you are here in Pennsylvania do you think, do you feel, do you sense that perhaps...maybe...as a conservative in a largely Catholic, blue collar , middle class state with an enormous Black population in Philadelphia, that maybe, you...or someone like you, even if you took Tom Ridge as your running mate could...ah...win...get the voters here to vote for you?”
McCain: “ Stop spitting on me! I’m having flashbacks, my friend.”
Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
MSNBC REPLACES HYPERBOLIC EGOMANIAC ABRAMS
Good First Step For A Network Of Buffoons
(August 21, NY, NY) Not long ago, a question was posed on this blog asking if there were any adults in charge at MSNBC. Apparently, adult or not, a good decision was recently made that will yank the obnoxiously, egotistical dimwit, Dan Abrams off the air. Abrams two different tenures hosting his own TV programs have demonstrated his lack of intelligence, his failure to grasp simple points, his reluctance to permit his guests to complete a sentence and the obvious fact, that were it not for outright nepotism and connections, Dan would be a used car salesman in Secaucus, New Jersey.
He served as the General Manager at MSNBC from June 2006 until October 2007, despite having absolutely no managerial experience. After Joe Scarborough replaced that blithering idiot, Don Imus in that early morning spot, Dan made a great managerial decision and chose himself to fill the void created by the reassignment of Scarborough.
Abrams program, “The Verdict” is an hour of tabloid like gibberish where it appears as if Dan cannot stop looking at himself in the mirror. His topics range from a cursory glance at politics but mainly focus on the tawdry, sordid tales the numb-skulled masses of viewers can’t seem to get enough of. Any child abduction, sleazy murder, or other back page crime is beaten to death by Dan until the next load of crap becomes his focus.
Pulling Abrams from the air is a good start for MSNBC; a cable network that has struggled to find a niche’ since its inception in July 1996. They have resorted to airing some of the most egotistical, hyperbolic, idiotic blowhards they could dredge up from the dumpster of “has been” and “never were” journalists. One is worse than the other and none have the right to actually consider themselves as journalists. Objectivity is not within their abilities but over talking guests, slobbering and drooling, and extreme displays of self importance are their forte’. It is a wonder they have any guest aside from those already on the salary of an NBC owned outlet such as Newsweek. Howard Fineman changes his hair color as quickly as Jonathon Alter is loosing his. Alter is, arguably, the most competent, objective regular on MSNBC.
Hopefully, Danny boys replacement, the long necked, Rachel Maddow, will raise the standards at this third rate cable network. If somehow they had the wisdom to get rid of the twin jack asses that are Chris Matthews and Keith Olberman, they may be able to present a better class of political and commentary programming.
Olberman wastes his hour of airtime devoted to pure trash, bashing his enemies or folks he just doesn’t like. His top, “Number One” story is always every other media outlets toss away piece or simply ignored because it reeks. That crapola judged to be the “Number One” story is always below tabloid trash. It is merely garbage. His “Countdown” begins with his “Number 5” story which, oddly, is usually of some relevance and importance; the complete opposite of serious news magazines and other political programs.
Chris Matthews expels more body fluids orally per show than one of Pavlov’s dogs. He is another of the enormous clownish egomaniacs that MSNBC has dredged up over the years.
All of the cable news programs are basically manure; each has their own bias and own cast of moronic loudmouths. At least, as of tonight, one can hope, the airwaves will be minus one of the biggest horses asses in a constellation of horses asses.
Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved
(August 21, NY, NY) Not long ago, a question was posed on this blog asking if there were any adults in charge at MSNBC. Apparently, adult or not, a good decision was recently made that will yank the obnoxiously, egotistical dimwit, Dan Abrams off the air. Abrams two different tenures hosting his own TV programs have demonstrated his lack of intelligence, his failure to grasp simple points, his reluctance to permit his guests to complete a sentence and the obvious fact, that were it not for outright nepotism and connections, Dan would be a used car salesman in Secaucus, New Jersey.
He served as the General Manager at MSNBC from June 2006 until October 2007, despite having absolutely no managerial experience. After Joe Scarborough replaced that blithering idiot, Don Imus in that early morning spot, Dan made a great managerial decision and chose himself to fill the void created by the reassignment of Scarborough.
Abrams program, “The Verdict” is an hour of tabloid like gibberish where it appears as if Dan cannot stop looking at himself in the mirror. His topics range from a cursory glance at politics but mainly focus on the tawdry, sordid tales the numb-skulled masses of viewers can’t seem to get enough of. Any child abduction, sleazy murder, or other back page crime is beaten to death by Dan until the next load of crap becomes his focus.
Pulling Abrams from the air is a good start for MSNBC; a cable network that has struggled to find a niche’ since its inception in July 1996. They have resorted to airing some of the most egotistical, hyperbolic, idiotic blowhards they could dredge up from the dumpster of “has been” and “never were” journalists. One is worse than the other and none have the right to actually consider themselves as journalists. Objectivity is not within their abilities but over talking guests, slobbering and drooling, and extreme displays of self importance are their forte’. It is a wonder they have any guest aside from those already on the salary of an NBC owned outlet such as Newsweek. Howard Fineman changes his hair color as quickly as Jonathon Alter is loosing his. Alter is, arguably, the most competent, objective regular on MSNBC.
Hopefully, Danny boys replacement, the long necked, Rachel Maddow, will raise the standards at this third rate cable network. If somehow they had the wisdom to get rid of the twin jack asses that are Chris Matthews and Keith Olberman, they may be able to present a better class of political and commentary programming.
Olberman wastes his hour of airtime devoted to pure trash, bashing his enemies or folks he just doesn’t like. His top, “Number One” story is always every other media outlets toss away piece or simply ignored because it reeks. That crapola judged to be the “Number One” story is always below tabloid trash. It is merely garbage. His “Countdown” begins with his “Number 5” story which, oddly, is usually of some relevance and importance; the complete opposite of serious news magazines and other political programs.
Chris Matthews expels more body fluids orally per show than one of Pavlov’s dogs. He is another of the enormous clownish egomaniacs that MSNBC has dredged up over the years.
All of the cable news programs are basically manure; each has their own bias and own cast of moronic loudmouths. At least, as of tonight, one can hope, the airwaves will be minus one of the biggest horses asses in a constellation of horses asses.
Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
MAVERICK PLUS CENTRIST = McCAINBERMAN
Self Described Bipartisans; Both Politics As Usual
(August 20, NYC) Two of the longest serving members of the senate, between them having spent 50 years working the dark corners and back rooms that has assured their political survival, John McCain and Joe Lieberman are nothing more than vacuous products of life within the rarified corridors within the Beltway.
The Maverick, McCain, the former Straight Talk Express captain now, is nothing but a politician willing to say anything, to anybody, to be elected president.
The former democratic senator now, independent, Joe Lieberman is exactly the same perhaps even a bit more crass in his greed for power and willingness to tack, flip flop, and vacillate. Though hr lost his democratic primary in 2006 and won his senate seat while running as an independent, he still “caucuses” with the Democratic Party. Who is this guy?
McCain survived the “Keating Five” investigation from the late 1980’s, was able to get well beyond it and, in reality is no more a Maverick than he is a water buffalo. Lieberman is about as much a Centrist as was Jerry Falwell.
What ever became of Rudy Guiliani? If McCain is willing to forfeit the majority of the republican base, he might as well go and do so with a man who has federal experience. Guiliani was the third ranking member in the Department of Justice during the Reagan era, a successful federal Prosecutor for the Southern District of New York and a twice elected Republican Mayor of New York City; a City known for its liberal Democratic machine and politics. At least he could truly appeal to the vast “middle” the undecided, independents.
Political calculations, expediency, rhetoric; how could anything else have been expected?
Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved
Permalink: Click on Headline
Additional Permalink below:
(August 20, NYC) Two of the longest serving members of the senate, between them having spent 50 years working the dark corners and back rooms that has assured their political survival, John McCain and Joe Lieberman are nothing more than vacuous products of life within the rarified corridors within the Beltway.
The Maverick, McCain, the former Straight Talk Express captain now, is nothing but a politician willing to say anything, to anybody, to be elected president.
The former democratic senator now, independent, Joe Lieberman is exactly the same perhaps even a bit more crass in his greed for power and willingness to tack, flip flop, and vacillate. Though hr lost his democratic primary in 2006 and won his senate seat while running as an independent, he still “caucuses” with the Democratic Party. Who is this guy?
McCain survived the “Keating Five” investigation from the late 1980’s, was able to get well beyond it and, in reality is no more a Maverick than he is a water buffalo. Lieberman is about as much a Centrist as was Jerry Falwell.
What ever became of Rudy Guiliani? If McCain is willing to forfeit the majority of the republican base, he might as well go and do so with a man who has federal experience. Guiliani was the third ranking member in the Department of Justice during the Reagan era, a successful federal Prosecutor for the Southern District of New York and a twice elected Republican Mayor of New York City; a City known for its liberal Democratic machine and politics. At least he could truly appeal to the vast “middle” the undecided, independents.
Political calculations, expediency, rhetoric; how could anything else have been expected?
Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved
Permalink: Click on Headline
Additional Permalink below:
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
JOE LIEBERMAN: HOW DO YOU SAY FLIP FLOPPER IN YIDDISH?
ONCE A TRAITOR, ALWAYS A TRAITOR
(August, 19 Fairfield, CT) Our current political scene is overly populated by crooks, rogues, charlatans, liars, criminals, lowlifes, blowhards as well as some extremely ruthless, cunning self-serving scheming, sleazy, egotists, especially incumbents, who will literally sell their souls to remain in office. Among some of the most prominent of all time scum buckets, Joe Lieberman has proudly entered into this infamous, despicable class.
Having lost the Connecticut democratic primary to a virtual political novice, Ned Lamont, petulant, arrogant Joe, rather than take his resounding defeat in stride, he left the Democratic Party to run for his cherished senate seat as an independent. While he has caucused with the Democratic Party, he has been among the staunchest of George W. Bush’s failed policies and practices. Now, this ace wipe, who has been vigorously campaigning for John McCain, is rumored to be on the “short list” of potential McCain running mates.
In the 2000 Presidential Election, that which was ultimately decided by Antonin Scalia and his Supreme Court, Lieberman was the running mate of Al Gore. Over these last eight years Lieberman has morphed into an even more vicious politician than he has always been. Joe is has been and always be a two issue candidate, two primary causes motivate every political move, vote, speech, opinion, stance and position. His two only concerns are Joe Lieberman and Israel; in that order. Joe seems to have his eye on someday being the Prime Minister or President of Israel or, perhaps, Mayor of Tel Aviv.
What does addled John McCain think Joe will add to the ticket? Will it help assure the whopping 9% of Americans that are Jews will vote for him? Maybe he’s seeking the votes are that sliver of the far right wing Evangelical community that supports Zionism and Israel. They are firm in these beliefs although, by their own teachings and tenets of their doctrine, the Jews will be able to join them at Rapture because, Jews do not believe in Jesus Christ as the Messiah. How does this add up?
As a nation we have given more to, taken more on the chin for, Israel with nothing to show for it except problems and conflict. Israel is “the only democratic country amid antidemocratic neighbors.” This is one of the most widely quoted of the many flimsy, bogus excuses served up as justification for the US support of Israel. What a load of crap. “They are our only allies in that part of the world”: yet another line of tripe. What have they ever done for us? We know what we have done for them. Without our unwavering support for them in the UN Security Council, or our generous financial, military and other forms of pacifying largess, Israel would simply not exist today.
Israel will expect Joe to deliver the notorious Cold War era, Israeli spy, the scumbag, Jonathon Pollard for openers. Yahweh knows what they'll expect from their Jew in the White House next. If McCain does pick this skunk as his VP, it will be reminiscent of 1996 when Bob Dole picked Jack Kemp. Fiscal conservatives and many GOP insiders knew, at that moment, dole had lost the election. Kemp was not an advocate for the economics favored by republicans back then. He'd actually mocked Dole's senatorial record particularly on legislative matters on regulation, spending and fiscal policy.
What, you may ask, has all this do to with Joe Lieberman? A Jew: not just any Jew: a virulent, rabid, activist, greedy, Zionist Orthodox Jew as the Vice President of the United States? How’s that for sending a message that there may be some movement away from the negligent diplomatic efforts and idiotic policies of George W.?
America is a sovereign nation and need not make an attempt to satisfy the world. Our domestic politics should proceed without opinion, bias or any manner of meddling from other countries. However, The United States needs to reestablish its integrity and credibility around the world. Without those we are diminished as a country, as a force, as possessing the ability to exert pressure and influence when we need to. We have lost so much of our standing in the world community. We have been severely wounded during the past 8 years; our reputation as an honest broker, as guided by international rules of all types has been shattered.
Domestically, as well, we have stood silently by while this administration of radical, maniacal neo-cons has shredded our Constitution, limited our rights to privacy and civil liberties and taken us down a path absolutely contrary to that which we had been on since 1776.
The electorate will do what they will do. Hopefully, there will be some thought, some discussion of the ramifications of having a Jew as our Vice President especially since that Jew would could be Joe Lieberman.
Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved
Permalink: Click on headline.
(August, 19 Fairfield, CT) Our current political scene is overly populated by crooks, rogues, charlatans, liars, criminals, lowlifes, blowhards as well as some extremely ruthless, cunning self-serving scheming, sleazy, egotists, especially incumbents, who will literally sell their souls to remain in office. Among some of the most prominent of all time scum buckets, Joe Lieberman has proudly entered into this infamous, despicable class.
Having lost the Connecticut democratic primary to a virtual political novice, Ned Lamont, petulant, arrogant Joe, rather than take his resounding defeat in stride, he left the Democratic Party to run for his cherished senate seat as an independent. While he has caucused with the Democratic Party, he has been among the staunchest of George W. Bush’s failed policies and practices. Now, this ace wipe, who has been vigorously campaigning for John McCain, is rumored to be on the “short list” of potential McCain running mates.
In the 2000 Presidential Election, that which was ultimately decided by Antonin Scalia and his Supreme Court, Lieberman was the running mate of Al Gore. Over these last eight years Lieberman has morphed into an even more vicious politician than he has always been. Joe is has been and always be a two issue candidate, two primary causes motivate every political move, vote, speech, opinion, stance and position. His two only concerns are Joe Lieberman and Israel; in that order. Joe seems to have his eye on someday being the Prime Minister or President of Israel or, perhaps, Mayor of Tel Aviv.
What does addled John McCain think Joe will add to the ticket? Will it help assure the whopping 9% of Americans that are Jews will vote for him? Maybe he’s seeking the votes are that sliver of the far right wing Evangelical community that supports Zionism and Israel. They are firm in these beliefs although, by their own teachings and tenets of their doctrine, the Jews will be able to join them at Rapture because, Jews do not believe in Jesus Christ as the Messiah. How does this add up?
As a nation we have given more to, taken more on the chin for, Israel with nothing to show for it except problems and conflict. Israel is “the only democratic country amid antidemocratic neighbors.” This is one of the most widely quoted of the many flimsy, bogus excuses served up as justification for the US support of Israel. What a load of crap. “They are our only allies in that part of the world”: yet another line of tripe. What have they ever done for us? We know what we have done for them. Without our unwavering support for them in the UN Security Council, or our generous financial, military and other forms of pacifying largess, Israel would simply not exist today.
Israel will expect Joe to deliver the notorious Cold War era, Israeli spy, the scumbag, Jonathon Pollard for openers. Yahweh knows what they'll expect from their Jew in the White House next. If McCain does pick this skunk as his VP, it will be reminiscent of 1996 when Bob Dole picked Jack Kemp. Fiscal conservatives and many GOP insiders knew, at that moment, dole had lost the election. Kemp was not an advocate for the economics favored by republicans back then. He'd actually mocked Dole's senatorial record particularly on legislative matters on regulation, spending and fiscal policy.
What, you may ask, has all this do to with Joe Lieberman? A Jew: not just any Jew: a virulent, rabid, activist, greedy, Zionist Orthodox Jew as the Vice President of the United States? How’s that for sending a message that there may be some movement away from the negligent diplomatic efforts and idiotic policies of George W.?
America is a sovereign nation and need not make an attempt to satisfy the world. Our domestic politics should proceed without opinion, bias or any manner of meddling from other countries. However, The United States needs to reestablish its integrity and credibility around the world. Without those we are diminished as a country, as a force, as possessing the ability to exert pressure and influence when we need to. We have lost so much of our standing in the world community. We have been severely wounded during the past 8 years; our reputation as an honest broker, as guided by international rules of all types has been shattered.
Domestically, as well, we have stood silently by while this administration of radical, maniacal neo-cons has shredded our Constitution, limited our rights to privacy and civil liberties and taken us down a path absolutely contrary to that which we had been on since 1776.
The electorate will do what they will do. Hopefully, there will be some thought, some discussion of the ramifications of having a Jew as our Vice President especially since that Jew would could be Joe Lieberman.
Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved
Permalink: Click on headline.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
BUSH SENT RICE TO GEORGIA
HE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE SENT MALT, BARLEY, HOPS AND SKITTLES
( August 16, Krzyvnmstan, Georgia) Russian tanks, armored vehicles and troops continue to pour into this city, firing randomly at civilians, the elderly, cats and dogs. Despite the alleged “cease fire” brokered by the French and other European counties, the streets here still echo with the staccato blasts of automatic weapons as the Russians advance.
The mayor of Krzyvnmstan, Ninrod John Wahalabinsky, is puzzled; perplexed actually,by the tepid response from the West, particularly, the USA.
Mayor Nimrod sat and spoke with this reporter despite the great personal peril such an interview would thrust him and his wife, 18 children and 3 llamas into; fully cognizant of the fact that he was going to miss “Happy Hour” at the Zxcvblkia Bar & Grill. Nimrod, who is a graduate of Harvard, Idaho State and Bismarck Community College, is fluent in English as well as 24 other languages besides his native tongue of Frzlla. We spoke, with heavily armed, drunken, semiliterate Georgians providing security in the dark, dank bowels of a recently bombed yam processing plant just outside town.
“ Russians come, they bomb holy shit out of us, rape our women, our daughters, our goats, mules and donkeys. This is, how you say in the West, a very large and huge cluster fuck. As Mayor and tribal warlord Chief, I telled to all Georgians, fight hard against Russian scum aggressors. I telled to them all, we don’t need this bullshit”
As Vladimir Putin’s Russia continues to exert its authority and increasingly intimidational strength upon its former Republics, United States President, George W. Bush, issued a harsh warning. “ This whole thing is not, um... ah... right. They have to find a way to , um, aahy, er, stop this transmutational aggressiveness. We had and old saying back in Yale and, ahhhh, Midland Texas...I think, I recall, one of the signs was something like, ah, uhmmmm, wanted dead or alive. We, us, you and me and all of us will fight this aggression where ever it rears its ugly head. Dick Cheney, who resides in an undisclosed secure location with plenty of Miller Lite and Naughty Neighbors magazines told me, this shit has to stop. He wanted to drop a few tactical nuclear weapons on the Kremlin, but, I was able to talk him out of it. He wasn’t, as we say in West Texas,.... um..., errrr...., dah... happy.”
Secretary of State, Condolezza Rice, the most useless member of any Cabinet since Mike Espy, was dispatched to meet with the Georgian President, Mikheil Saakashvili and envoys from Russia. Once considered as a “Russia” expert, Rice has been absolutely absent from any efforts regarding international diplomacy since her buddy, George W. gave her the job because they are buddies. She was mildly upset that there were no baseball games in Georgia that she could attend.
Upon her return from Georgia where she was merely an observer as several European leaders crafted the fragile cease fire agreement between the opposing parties, she immediately went to Crawford, Texas to brief the President who, as usual, was on vacation.
Rice, after the intense four minute session with the President, met with a select group of reporters. She began with a short statement: “The President is fully aware of the situation on the ground in Georgia as well as the tentative plans designed to have Russia remove their troops from Georgia. After speaking with the president and playing a short game of “Go Fish” with him, I am confident that he is confident that the Russians and Georgians are confident that whatever it is they are confident about, we are as well. Thank you”, was the extent of Rice’s statement. She took a few questions from the fiercely sweating reporters standing in the blazing Crawford sun. Homer Magsdun of the Dallas Morning News asked Dr. Rice if she or any other agency in our government had had any intelligence prior to Russian’s troops moving in to Georgia. Secretary Rice, anxious to go back into the air conditioned ranch, replied, “ As you well know Homer, intelligence is not high on this administrations priority list. We are still reviewing satellite imagery from the Cuban Missile Crisis and, frankly, we have no intelligence as an administration, individually or collectively. The President remains focused on what he focuses on. He likes to watch badminton and take naps. I assure you and all the American people that we are dealing with this Russian aggression just as we have clumsily dealt with all other aggression over the last 7 years. Good day.”
Copyright TBC 2008 © All Rights Reserved
( August 16, Krzyvnmstan, Georgia) Russian tanks, armored vehicles and troops continue to pour into this city, firing randomly at civilians, the elderly, cats and dogs. Despite the alleged “cease fire” brokered by the French and other European counties, the streets here still echo with the staccato blasts of automatic weapons as the Russians advance.
The mayor of Krzyvnmstan, Ninrod John Wahalabinsky, is puzzled; perplexed actually,by the tepid response from the West, particularly, the USA.
Mayor Nimrod sat and spoke with this reporter despite the great personal peril such an interview would thrust him and his wife, 18 children and 3 llamas into; fully cognizant of the fact that he was going to miss “Happy Hour” at the Zxcvblkia Bar & Grill. Nimrod, who is a graduate of Harvard, Idaho State and Bismarck Community College, is fluent in English as well as 24 other languages besides his native tongue of Frzlla. We spoke, with heavily armed, drunken, semiliterate Georgians providing security in the dark, dank bowels of a recently bombed yam processing plant just outside town.
“ Russians come, they bomb holy shit out of us, rape our women, our daughters, our goats, mules and donkeys. This is, how you say in the West, a very large and huge cluster fuck. As Mayor and tribal warlord Chief, I telled to all Georgians, fight hard against Russian scum aggressors. I telled to them all, we don’t need this bullshit”
As Vladimir Putin’s Russia continues to exert its authority and increasingly intimidational strength upon its former Republics, United States President, George W. Bush, issued a harsh warning. “ This whole thing is not, um... ah... right. They have to find a way to , um, aahy, er, stop this transmutational aggressiveness. We had and old saying back in Yale and, ahhhh, Midland Texas...I think, I recall, one of the signs was something like, ah, uhmmmm, wanted dead or alive. We, us, you and me and all of us will fight this aggression where ever it rears its ugly head. Dick Cheney, who resides in an undisclosed secure location with plenty of Miller Lite and Naughty Neighbors magazines told me, this shit has to stop. He wanted to drop a few tactical nuclear weapons on the Kremlin, but, I was able to talk him out of it. He wasn’t, as we say in West Texas,.... um..., errrr...., dah... happy.”
Secretary of State, Condolezza Rice, the most useless member of any Cabinet since Mike Espy, was dispatched to meet with the Georgian President, Mikheil Saakashvili and envoys from Russia. Once considered as a “Russia” expert, Rice has been absolutely absent from any efforts regarding international diplomacy since her buddy, George W. gave her the job because they are buddies. She was mildly upset that there were no baseball games in Georgia that she could attend.
Upon her return from Georgia where she was merely an observer as several European leaders crafted the fragile cease fire agreement between the opposing parties, she immediately went to Crawford, Texas to brief the President who, as usual, was on vacation.
Rice, after the intense four minute session with the President, met with a select group of reporters. She began with a short statement: “The President is fully aware of the situation on the ground in Georgia as well as the tentative plans designed to have Russia remove their troops from Georgia. After speaking with the president and playing a short game of “Go Fish” with him, I am confident that he is confident that the Russians and Georgians are confident that whatever it is they are confident about, we are as well. Thank you”, was the extent of Rice’s statement. She took a few questions from the fiercely sweating reporters standing in the blazing Crawford sun. Homer Magsdun of the Dallas Morning News asked Dr. Rice if she or any other agency in our government had had any intelligence prior to Russian’s troops moving in to Georgia. Secretary Rice, anxious to go back into the air conditioned ranch, replied, “ As you well know Homer, intelligence is not high on this administrations priority list. We are still reviewing satellite imagery from the Cuban Missile Crisis and, frankly, we have no intelligence as an administration, individually or collectively. The President remains focused on what he focuses on. He likes to watch badminton and take naps. I assure you and all the American people that we are dealing with this Russian aggression just as we have clumsily dealt with all other aggression over the last 7 years. Good day.”
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